How much "me time" do you have or how did I start to color?

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You usually start to ask yourself that question when something is wrong or you are not happy with the current situation. If you would ask me that question couple of months ago, the answer would be NONE. The only "me time" I had were the nights, when I was too tired to do anything and I went directly to bed. I was unemployed, children were in kindergarten and school, and still I didn't take time for me. Oh, the irony! How is that even possible?

Every day I went doing stuff for others, as a proper mom who doesn't work does, like ironing, cleaning the house, cooking for the family, picking up children from school etc. And when I thought I have time for myself, what did I do? I didn't go out for a walk, I didn't do coloring, I did nothing for ME. When I had "me time" I was doing plans for others, such as when will they come home, how will they come home, what we will be doing over weekends, what we will play with children, what needs to be bought, even worse, I started watching social media very passively. 

When my husband asked me for the hundredth time: What were you doing all day? One moment I just snapped. So much emotions came out. In the beginning mostly anger and humiliation, because he didn't see everything I've done, but then came also disappointment, despair and fear, when you figure out that you actually didn't do anything for yourself and you alone. The universe thought of a not so fun way to show me that, when I broke my toe. It was the morning when we all wanted to go to a St. Nicholas party at my husbands' work and I have already planned everything. The reality was, I went to emergency and the rest of the family went to the party. And they had a perfect time :)

Next two months I was unable to walk properly, I couldn't do things I did before, so I actually had time for myself. Truly time for myself. Now what? When the chaos around you quiet down, your body reacts surprised and don't really know what to do. If you listen really close, then the heart start talking. And mine was asking: what do YOU want to do? What do YOU like doing? What are the things that makes YOU happy? Answers came rather quickly and elegantly. I always liked to draw, color and paint. But that activity was quite useless to my mind, as it didn't provide income, it did anything for the community around me and it didn't clean the house.

When I figured out that the most important thing you can do for yourself is to be a little selfish and do stuff regardless of what everyone around you think, then I found something for ME. In my case, I took a dusty coloring book which I had somewhere among "things you don't use" and just start coloring, with my children color pencils... And the next day I continued with coloring. Few days later I was coloring when everyone was at home (which would be impossible before). And then, my older son came coloring with me. And then, my younger daughter came coloring with us. I felt awesome, happy, at peace and even more connected with my children.

So what are you waiting for? :) Start listening to your heart and do exactly that, no matter what others are thinking. It is yours and yours alone. You are a beautiful person and YOU deserve to be happy, even if it is just one coloring page each day :)